


game over (try again, please)

by Idjit_01



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death, Chick-Flick Moments, Cute Jack Kline, Dean Winchester Needs Therapy, Gen, Good Sibling Sam Winchester, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:54:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27493792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idjit_01/pseuds/Idjit_01
Summary: After Cas and basically everyone's departure in episode 18 (careful, SPOILERS), Sam and Dean sit and talk. (And yes, they also talk about Cas's goodbye speech)Sam throws the bottle away, then comes back. "I'm here. Jack's here. And we can get them back. Cas... He always comes back. Why would it be different this time?"Dean shuts his eyes and rubs his face with his hand. Than he pushes the chair away and stands up. "No." He snaps. "It's over. You didn't hear Cas... And with Chuck and the Empty...We aren't enough.We're done."
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Jack Kline & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	game over (try again, please)

When Sam and Jack get home they can't be anymore devastated.

When they learn about Cas, they don't even try to get Dean off the floor.

Everyone's gone. Even if they still got each other, they just... It feels like they've already lost.

Hours or days or who knows how much time later, Dean stands up and walks to the kitchen to drown the last few hours they must in the best way he knows: getting black out drunk.

"Cas wouldn't want you to do that." Sam says.

Dean grunts. "Who cares? He's gone."

His voice is hoarse and irritated and it annoys him so much.

He takes the beer and wishes for something stronger, but apparently they drunk it all when they thought they had hit rock bottom before.

He drinks half the bottle at once, and when he's about to take another sip, Sam's hand lands on his own and stops him.

He looks up when Sam doesn't say anything, but he isn't surprised when he sees his puppy dog eyes looking at him.

Dean clears his throat, feeling his throat tightening painfully and his eyes welling up. "Cas... Hm." He takes a sip. "He, huh, he said he loved me."

Sam tightens his grip on Dean's hand and then releases it to take a beer himself. When he speaks, his voice is so void of emotion Dean almost feels like he's talking to soulless Sam again. "What did you say back?"

Dean shrugs. 

"There was nothing to say. He said goodbye and the Empty took him. I... I wouldn't have known what to say if I had time."

"What are you talking about?" Sam barks angrily. "Don't you love him back?"

Dean plays with the cap of the beer bottle for a bit. Sam captures it and Dean sighs. "It doesn't matter." He whispers.

Sam rolls his eyes. When Dean looks up, the exhausted way Sam carries himself takes him by surprise.

"You okay?" He asks.

Sam looks away, than back up to Dean's eyes. "It doesn't matter."

He stands up to leave and takes the bottle to throw it away. He hasn't drunk though, so he just stares at it. "D' you want it?"

Dean takes it. "Sam..." He protests.

"If you're not talking, I'm going to bed. Tomorrow will be a long day, with looking into Chuck and the Empty and how to get everyone back."

Dean huffs, than grunts. Sam starts to walk away, but before he can get out of the kitchen, Dean speaks.

"Cas called me out on my 'self- destruction'", Dean air-quotes, and stops himself then, because Cas isn't there and it hurts like hell to do something so Cas-like when he isn't there. "And he's right, you know he's right."

Dean looks at the beer Sam's given him and opens it slowly. He takes a sip as to say 'see? He's right.' Then he continues, "So it doesn't matter what I felt for him. I'm angry and unstable and so fucked up."

Sam sits down. "I'm poison. I'm so awful inside it just spills through my cracks to everyone around me. Relationships don't work with me because I don't work with me."

Dean finishes the beer and slides it through the table towards Sam. Sam stands up to throw it away, but Dean stops him.

"When I... When I pointed at you with that gun I... I just wanted it all to be over. I wanted to be done. I'm so tired. I've been for so long. I just... I can't – And now everyone- _Cas_ and everyone is just gone and I just wanna- There's nothing –no one– to fight for anymore. Chuck's won. It's over."

Sam throws the bottle away, then comes back. "I'm here. Jack's here. And we can get them back. Cas... He always comes back. Why would it be different this time?"

Dean shuts his eyes and rubs his face with his hand. Than he pushes the chair away and stands up. "No." He snaps. "It's over. You didn't hear Cas... And Chuck and the Empty. _We aren't enough._ We're done."

Sam stands up as well and levels Dean with a stare. "We've got to at least try."

When he doesn't look away Dean's reminded of Gas and another pang of hurt and guilt goes through him. He looks away and nods sharply, his tongue heavy with defeat, but doing this for Sam, just like he did when Mary –mom— was away.

The air feels so heavy he feels that he's suffocating, that the beer won't be the thing to drown him.

"Ha," Dean laughs, "We ' going out with a chick flick-?"

Sam smiles. "Jerk."

"Bi-"

"Sam?" 

They both look towards the door, where Jack's hovering around. He reminds Dean of when Sam was a toddler and was scared of the dark.

"Can I spend the night with you guys?" Jack says, and immediately blushes, embarrassed. "It's just, with everyone gone-"

Then Sam smiles. "Yeah." He looks immediately towards Dean. "We can do a sleepover, go out like real chicks."

Dean shakes his head, but he's smiling. "Yeah," he whispers, but thinking of chicks makes him think of love, and that makes him feel of Cas, which really does hurt. 

Sam looks at him and frowns. "Okay?"

"Fine, bitch." He lies and smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> So the last episode hurt like a bitch to me. While everyone was celebrating Destiel, I was devastated (and I do ship Destiel). So I wasn't functional for a few days but I'm a bit better now (fingers crossed that the next episode won't destroy me as badly).
> 
> As always, I'm very grateful for any feedback you're willing to give and please, _please_ take care of yourselves~


End file.
